Articles tips and advice for Seniors Dating Online

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Older Singles Dating and Looking For Love Online after 55

by Randy B. Hecht

A 51-year-old man who was married for a few months at 20, raised his daughter alone and never remarried meets a 50-year-old woman who never had children and ended her 11-year marriage in 1978. Although neither reports any instant fireworks, the couple were married within two years.

John and Marcia (who asked that their real names not be used) met on OneandOnly.com and quickly joined the growing population of people who are over 50, on-line, and altar-bound again. Is there a common secret to their success? For the three couples I interviewed, each has matured into a sense of what's really important to them and discovered what they need to make a relationship work--something each believes could not have happened when they were younger.

Attraction or distraction?

John and Marcia's union was hardly love at first sight. "Things seemed to go pretty well, but neither of us was swept off our feet," they recall. "We just knew we'd had a nice time and had spent a nice evening together. We weren't physically attracted at first, which made the rest of it much easier. We were best friends first, and fell in love afterward."

Hope, a 50-year-old, twice-divorced woman who'd been single for fourteen years before meeting her current husband on OneandOnly.com, reports a similar experience. "I was (and still am) surprised that we 'took to' each other so easily," says Hope, who moved herself and her consulting business from Grand Rapids to Milwaukee, where her husband Dave, 53, is a member of the Symphony. "Actually, our phone and e-mail conversations had not been stellar, but enough to see that there were possibilities." On the other hand, Annie, who is approaching 50, was instantly smitten with Alan, the same age. "When I got home after our first meeting, I sort of knew this would be it," she recalls. My friends were very suspicious--they aren't on-line, most of them--and they thought I was slightly crazy. But compared with bars and 'social' groups, I think I was the sane one."

The feeling was mutual. Alan, a self described geek (he's a computer software engineer) says, "I thought the meeting with Annie was just an opportunity to exercise my very rusty social skills. Thought we'd just have coffee and chat." But he knew "within minutes" that the relationship could turn serious--despite the fact that although both were in the midst of separation and divorce, neither was legally divorced yet.

Role reversals

Before they knew it, these people had become couples--and had to meet two, three, or even four generations of one another's families. How does being a parent and introducing a mate to your teenager compare with being a teenager and bringing someone home to meet Mom and Dad? Marcia, an only child who'd never had children, suddenly was meeting John's brother, sister-in-law, daughter, and grandchildren. How did it go? She reports that John and his brother "are so much alike that it's scary, so I had no problem warming to him immediately," and his wife "hadn't had a sister-in-law for so long that she was pretty grateful not to have to handle both of them alone any more!" And from the way she refers to "our daughter" and "our grandbabies," you know even before Marcia says so that they "snuck into my heart and stole it while I wasn't looking." As a bonus, she adds, John's relationship with his daughter has improved "about 200%" since their romance began.

John had it much easier; all he had to do was charm Marcia's mother, who Marcia says was "thrilled to pieces. She'd worried, of course, that I'd be alone forever, and since she was 81 at the time, she was afraid she'd never live to see me in a relationship that made me happy. Well, she's seen it now!"

When mom falls in love

When Annie, a semi-retired theology teacher, psychological counselor and philosophy instructor, began "singing around the house," she caught her son's attention. The 20-year-old student, who lives at his mother's house when not at college, "said I was acting like a teenager," she says with a cyber-grin, "but he meant it as a compliment."

None of the couples interviewed for this article wish they'd met at a younger age. "We've talked about this," says Marcia. "We were both married at 20 and agree that it was waaaaaaaaay too young. We hadn't had time to season, to mellow, to age sufficiently. We needed to experience all that we have in order to become the people we are and appreciate what we've found in one another. We have more patience. The little stuff doesn't bother us as much. We know we're in this forever, but most young people figure that there's always an 'out' and are much less likely to put the effort into making the relationship work."

No room for betrayal

"The physical part is completely unimportant," Marcia adds. "What matters...is honesty, faith in one another, belief in one another, and integrity. Since we're best friends, we relate on two levels, neither one of which has any room for deception or betrayal." Hope agrees. "I'm glad we didn't [meet at a younger age]. It would not have lasted," she says. She lists the things she and Dave have now that younger couples cannot have: "Life experience. Acceptance that each of us is doing our very best at that moment. I also have so much less of a fairy tale idea about marriage, and now find so much more pleasure in it!"

Venus envy?

So is there anything younger couples have that these couples envy?
Dave and Hope say that apart from "the chance to have children together," younger couples have "very little" they envy. "For me, nothing," Alan says. "I don't feel a lot different from my 20s!"

"The only thing younger couples have that I envy is time," Annie says. "They say youth is wasted on the young. Now I truly understand that." John and Marcia echo her sentiment. Younger couples, have "absolutely nothing" they envy--"except that they'd have longer to be together than we have. But if we can hit 75 or 80, we'll be grateful for even that short a time."

So no matter what your past, you can have romance in your future--and make it last a lifetime the second time around!

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Senior Singles dating on the Internet has become very popular these days, but while dating online has the advantages in its own, over the period of time this, as in all good things has been misused and is corrupted by a few shady characters. Online Dating is fun and convenient but one still has to be quite careful when dating with someone that they just met on the Web. Here are a few tips following which may help you in safe and sound online dating.

Singles from around the world are doing it! Cyber Dating is growing increasingly popular with single men and women of all age groups, religions, gender and ethnicites. It's quick, easy and compared to the local pick-up bar scene, very inexpensive and a lot less smokey! That's why so many are turning their heart to online photo personals . All of the major Web site service, , are hooking up millions of singles across the globe.

A few tips you might consider before taking the plunge into the world of CyberDating:

1. You can weed out people not considered ideal candidates for a date by their online responses. Ask questions about hobbies, career, education, family relationships, political interests, and other reasonably personal questions.

2. There's a lot less pressure. If you decide not to follow-up with somebody, you can always just ignore incoming e-mails. There's no need to make up some excuse. Just click on delete and move on.

3. Online personals are much more convenient. At a bar, people are pressed to find somebody within a certain time range, between the hours of 8:00 p.m. and 2:00 a.m., for example. I am sure you have seen the "desperate hour" right before closing at a singles type bar. Visitors to online personal sites can browse a wide selection of candidates at their own convenience – in the middle of a Sunday afternoon.

4. There is a huge selection of singles online. You can scan hundreds of photos and bios in a very short period of time.

5. It's easier to custom-tailor your search online. On Dateable.com, for example, we offer have Romantic Writings and other topical sections and forums where people with similar interests can have stimulating conversations from the very beginning. 6. Ask if the dating service you are thinking about using provides anonymous e-mail, so you don't have to reveal your identity. Setting up a free e-mail account for that purpose can protect your privacy if they do not provide anonymous e-mail. 7. Internet dating bides you time to find out more about this person. For example, if you're leery of someone you have met, you might want to do a background verification check. If a creditor, the police or a spouse is looking for your potential love interest, why go after this person when he or she is already wanted?

Dating online can be daunting and first dates can be intimadating. So what are you to do? Here is a few more dating tips to start the year out right!

Meet your date out and drive yourself. If you want to bail out early, you won't be trapped. Also, when you have your own car. If things work out, you won't have any worries about inviting your date in or not. This helps protect you from your own impulses, because what's worse then "will he respect me in the morning?" is "How much will I hate myself when I wake up?". Also when you have your own car, no need to worry about safety, your date does not know where you live. This protects you from a date turned bad turning in to a stalking nightmare.

Keep the date simple. You're nervous enough without making a big show, plus you don't want to lock yourself in to an evening you won't enjoy.

Men should always end the date first. You will make yourself stand out, and make her want that next one!

Women, don't wear anything low cut or short. It sounds like an old cliché but your first date knows very little about the woman you are. He will take you at face value and you don't want to give the wrong impression.

A friend of mine went out for dinner on a blind date. She is a very conservative women, who really likes to take her time in relationships. All of us who know her know this about her. Her date didn't. She went out on the date wearing a sexy low cut cocktail dress. They went to dinner, had a wonderful evening, and when he walked her to her door, he pounced on her! She was of course surprised and upset, but her date didn't know her, he just took her at face value.

Wear clothing that you are comfortable and confident in. First dates are uncomfortable enough without a tight belt biting you around the waist.

Men, be specific about where you are going. This will make the date more comfortable, and will prevent her from wearing a cocktail dress when you are taking her bowling.

Ask about your date. Each of us knows we are the most interesting subject :) But the most interesting conversationalists are people who ask about others. Great light topics are work, hobbies, sports, kids (if they have any). You gals, easy on the perfume. You want to knock his socks off, but you don't want to knock him out!

Don't forget to use mouthwash before you go out, not a bad idea to sneak some breath mints along, just in case.

Don't order sloppy food. If you are not paying for what you order, try to stay in the middle of the menu.

Keep the conversation light! Don't talk or ask about old boyfriends, girlfriends, or ex-spouse. This is a first date, not a therapy session.

Find out about your dates eating habits before you plan the evening. Make sure you choose a place where they will be able to find something to eat.

Be attentive! There is nothing worse then a date peering over your shoulder making you feel as if they are looking for something better.

If you are not paying be considerate of what you order. Try to stay in the middle of the menu.

And last, but not least, have fun, be polite, and be yourself! (hopefully you're a polite person) :-)

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